My girlfriend figured out who you are.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
