Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
