Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize