i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think my vagina is haunted
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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