if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
