no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
