I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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