I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
