is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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