so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
