I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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