he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
