I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize