I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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