Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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