I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
