Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
