If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
