One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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