If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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