I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
