I wish I only lived at night.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Did I show you my penis last night?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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