i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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