I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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