Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
