Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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