Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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