You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
it was like eating out sand paper
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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