that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
