Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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