Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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