Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
