some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize