I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
