mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize