you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize