I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize