Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
