I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
