hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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