I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize