Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
