But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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