my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
