On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
