8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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