I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
