Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
