Only a mothe r could love this liver
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
