I just made out with a guy for $7.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize