She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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