Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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