It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
