I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
