Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
