My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize