she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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