Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
