Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
