If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
