Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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