just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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