You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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