3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
