i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
areolas are like halos for boobs.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
