im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
