sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
