why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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