There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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