Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
