Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
