Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
