my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
