Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
A+ Viking dick
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
