Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
