Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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